In September of 2013, 8 days after I gave birth to my second daughter, I had to have an ovary and ovarian cyst removed. This wasn't just any ole' cyst. It was GIGANTIC. I was suddenly in so much pain that I could not move. I previously had a large cyst removed from this same ovary in 2008. The second cyst was found at our 10wk ultrasound with during my last pregnancy and it was considered large, but a slow growing cyst. It was a surprise to find after it was removed that it was 27cm and 12lbs! I don't know how my daughter had any room to grow. I am trying to change my perspective on this scar and experience to one of positivity.
There have been times in my life that I have been so present and I can remember those moments so clearly. I will never forget the day my dad died. I remember when one of my sisters died and I promised myself that I would LIVE my life and not live in unhappiness. I will always remember staring at the window screen through many tears after my younger sister lost her baby at 22wks of pregnancy. I will always remember the drive home with my husband after I was told to make an appointment with an oncologist in case this mass was going to be cancerous. I was thankful for the life insurance policy I had just been approved for but didn't want it to have to be used just yet. I didn't want my girls to grow up without a mom, I didn't want my husband to morn my loss, I didn't want to not be alive.
So, moving forward, I am so thankful for life. So thankful for this body and mind that I have and all that I have survived. I want to begin to refocus on my pottery and really pour MYSELF into my work again. I want to not compare, compete or judge myself against others. I want to feel confident in my daily life and in my work.