11.26.2015

Dear Dad...

My dad was a tall Australian man with a genuine gentle heart and
soul full of love. He had a beautiful Australian accent. Today is the
22nd anniversary of his death. It doesn't really seem that long
ago and at the same time it seems like a lifetime ago. His life, or
rather his death, has a lot to do with who I was, who I am, and who I
will be. If you know me, you know the struggles I've dealt with over the
years with significant loss. But you also might know me and have no
idea of the loss. I have filled many of my husband's shirts with tears
in sad moments over the years. For me, it's been kind of a beautiful
journey of self discovery and learning to let go over and over. I
am not sad anymore, but I am moved when I think about the love I felt,
and the safety of his presence. I get tears in my eyes when I tell my
little girls about my dad, and it feels good to share the love and
special moments with them. Today is Thanksgiving, so this is not a sad
post. I don't really know what I want to say, but I want to say
something. A tribute. He is so much a part of who I AM and I am
thankful. But I can't write this and not also tribute my living mom. I
know her so intimately because of our loss. We grieved along with her,
beside her. She shared her grief openly with us and guided us with tools
to deal with the heaviness. It was the hardest time in my life. You may
have experienced this yourself. My mom is such a capable and wise
woman. She is one of my best friends. I am thankful for her strength, I
can only hope to have inherited her spirit. I am thankful.

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